We live in a time of unprecedented prosperity, particularly in this country.
Medical advancements and technology have made life more efficient, fostered unprecedented personal connections, and have allowed us to live longer and healthier. But ironically the very things that make our lives easier have also made it sometimes harder to feel thankful. Technology has sped up our day-to-day lives so much it’s hard to slow down and acknowledge all the good things we have going for us. Our brains are constantly playing catch-up. When you have a new text message to respond to every minute, it’s no wonder gratitude falls by the wayside.
With Thanksgiving around the corner, it’s a good time think about extending gratitude beyond just one day a year.
And, since I first started to write this piece a few weeks ago, so much has happened in my home state of California that I also wanted to add some thoughts on how to learn from the Camp Fires in Northern California.
Here’s how to take time to give thanks every day in an increasingly overwhelming and fast-paced world:
Acts of gratitude come in many forms.
We typically conceive of gratitude as action-driven.
We think of a loved one surprising us with a gift we’d secretly coveted. Or perhaps we picture our coworkers throwing us a birthday celebration. But there are lots of other ways to feel grateful that aren’t centered around an action or event.
Meditation, for instance, can be a great way to practice gratitude.
I like to use the app Headspace, which creates structure by forcing you to take some time each day to clear your mind. And if you’re skeptical about using an app to meditate, you can just sit down and think of five to ten things you are grateful for. If you make it a habit to do this every day, you can rewire your brain to feel happier.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be saved for major occasions. The habit starts with appreciating the small things, even if they’re as simple as a sunny day or a ripe piece of fruit. Every little thing counts.
Another easy way to achieve gratitude is to give back to the less fortunate, which may help shine the light on what you take for granted. For example, after testing a number of variables, University of Pennsylvania professor Martin Seligman found that volunteering was the single most reliable way to increase your well-being. Going out and spreading kindness is often the best medicine.
The recent Northern California fires provide some of the truest examples of bravery and helping others from the heroic acts of the California firefighters and other first responders to those of everyday citizens going above and beyond to save a life. At my company, we are feeling grateful for having a place to work while also using these recent events as a “wake up call” to make sure we have put together action plans in case of a similar disaster in our area so that we can best ensure the safety of our team.
You can be grateful for challenges as well as successes.
Gratitude isn’t only about positive experiences.
It can be tough to feel grateful for life’s setbacks. One of Headspace’s main teachings is that negative thoughts aren’t necessarily bad. You just have to accept them as part of the human condition and let them go. Struggle and disappointments are inevitable, but it doesn’t help to dwell on these either.
According to Buddhist master Jack Kornfield, being grateful for not only life’s blessings but also the inevitable suffering is crucial to living a fulfilling life. One of the things he frequently invokes during Buddhist prayer is the act of “asking for obstacles: “May I be given the appropriate difficulties so that my heart can truly open with compassion.”
Contrary to popular belief, thinking about negative situations can help you crystallize the good.
In one instance, Kornfield mentioned a man he worked with who was forced to care for his grandchildren while his son was dealing with his drug addiction. Despite the pain and darkness of the situation, this became an opportunity to practice gratitude for the time he was able to spend with his grandchildren, and the fact that his son was still alive and was seeking treatment.
I love this example because it shows that no matter what we’re dealing with — big or small — it’s crucial to understand that in every difficult experience, a positive can be found.
Gratitude isn’t a one-way thing.
As the old saying goes, “one good turn deserves another.”
If someone holds the door open for you, say “thank you” and do the same for the next person. This is a small act that can make a big difference and is something I make a special point to integrate into my work life — whether it’s telling a colleague I appreciate their feedback in a meeting, or that I wouldn’t have been able to pull something off without them. It doesn’t have to be anything major. It can be as simple as noticing when someone refills the ice tray and refilling it yourself the next time.
Whether it’s personal or work-related, when you pay gratitude forward it creates a positive emotion that triggers the recipient to want to be kind, too. When someone does something nice for you, it’s hard to ignore the desire to reciprocate. Eventually, it becomes an endless cycle of giving and receiving.
So, pass on the gift.
In a world where we’re constantly bombarded by negativity and chaos, it’s easy to fall into the faulty belief that everyone else isn’t doing enough for “me.” But we all have more agency than we think. We aren’t victims — we are change makers. And proactive acknowledgment of gratefulness can increase well-being, health, optimism, and empathy.
If we all practiced it more often, we’d change the world.
This article first appeared on The Ascent.
